


I'd Give Up All the World to See

by dancingsweetheart129



Series: Infertility [2]
Category: Batgirl (Comics), DCU, DCU (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mentions of Infertility, Miscarriage, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-28 22:40:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16251257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancingsweetheart129/pseuds/dancingsweetheart129
Summary: Steph laughed, both at what Tim said and at something someone did in the movie, but she stopped when her stomach cramped.It was a shooting pain through her lower abdomen, and down into her vagina. It felt like someone was shoving a knife into her.Her heart sank.





	I'd Give Up All the World to See

**Author's Note:**

> I mentioned this in 'Just haven't met you yet' and I really just wanted to write sad. Sorry.

Tim was drinking wine from his glass as they laughed, mostly ignoring the movie. Steph wasn’t drinking wine, but the excuse she gave was that she got hammered the night before. Not that he needed to know it was a lie.

It was killing her to keep a secret from Tim, he was her best friend. But they agreed to wait, she wasn’t that far along, she could keep it hidden for a little while longer.

“When are you two going to settle down?” Steph asked, picking up her tea cup to take a sip. It was decaf, which meant she could sleep when they went home. Tonight was her night off, as was Tim’s.

“I don’t know,” Tim shrugged, taking a sip of his wine. “I mean, we just get to be us, you know? Like you and Jason. Isn’t that just so freeing?”

“I guess,” Steph shrugged. She couldn’t tell him it wasn’t just her and Jason, and that their sex life had stopped being fun months ago. They didn’t just clobber each other in the kitchen anymore, they didn’t just casually fuck on the couch. It was timed, she had a process. But she hoped once she got through the horror that was her first trimester, they could start having sex for fun again. “But don’t you ever want to get married and have kids?”

“I guess, one day,” Tim shrugged again. “I mean the marriage won’t change much, we live together and whatnot, but I don’t know about kids.”

“Does Conner want kids?”

“Yeah, eventually,” Tim nodded. “But we’re so busy right now, way too busy for kids. What’s given you baby fever?”

“I don’t know,” She said, turning back to the movie. “Jason and I were talking about kids earlier today.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Steph nodded. “I don’t know. I’d like to have a few kids.”

“I think we’re pretty good having the apartment to ourselves for a few more years at least,” Tim said, turning back to the movie himself. “Besides, we can travel wherever we want and drop off the face of the earth for a weekend, and I love that.”

Steph laughed, both at what Tim said and at something someone did in the movie, but she stopped when her stomach cramped.

It was a shooting pain through her lower abdomen, and down into her vagina. It felt like someone was shoving a knife into her.

Her heart sank.

She leapt off of the couch, ignoring Tim as he called after her. She ran into the nearest bathroom and slammed the door.

Something was wrong, she just knew it.

She pulled her sweats down, refusing to look down for a moment. For just another minute she wanted to hold onto her hope for just one more moment.

But when she did look down, she saw bright red blood in the crotch of her underwear.

“Steph, are you okay?” Tim knocked on the bathroom door, but Steph didn’t answer, tears welling up in her eyes.

She reached under the sink, grabbed a pad to put in her underwear. Thank God for Alfred and his courtesy to guests.

She went tearing out of the bathroom, past a very concerned Tim, and down to the cave, hiccupping sobs that echoed in the stairwell.

Jason was working on something with Bruce, the two of them clustered around the computer.

“Jason,” Stephanie sobbed, covering her mouth with her hand, trying to keep her blubbering down to a minimum.

“Steph, what’s the matter?” Jason asked, looking over from the computer. Bruce turned too, brows knit in concern. It wasn’t unusual for her to cry over stuff since she got pregnant, but this was much worse than every other time.

“Something’s wrong,” She cried, her breath coming in quick gasps. Jason came running over to her, taking one of her shaking hands. “I’m bleeding.”

“Okay, okay, everything is going to be okay,” Jason said, nodding as he pulled her down towards the cars.

“Steph, what’s going on?” Tim asked as he jogged down the stairs.

“Everything’s fine, don’t worry,” Jason said, taking her down to one of the cars that wasn’t for crime fighting.

He helped her into the passenger seat, buckled her seat belt, before running around to get in the driver’s side.

“Tell me what happened, Chickadee,” Jason said as he sped out of the cave, heading down the driveway.

“I-I’ve got really bad cramps,” She said, trying to suck in a breath. “And I went to the bathroom, and I’m bleeding bad.”

“Okay, okay, everything is going to be fine,” Jason said, zooming onto the express way. “We’ll go to the emergency room and everything is going to be okay.”

“What if it’s not?” Stephanie asked, and Jason pushed down on the gas pedal harder.

* * *

 

Her suspicions were right.

The doctor told her that he couldn’t hear the baby’s heartbeat anymore, and that he was very sorry. It wasn’t her normal doctor, it wasn’t the compassion for their issues.

For two years they had been trying to have a baby, and it was her fault, her damaged reproductive system.

“Do you want to go home?” Jason asked, already en route to their apartment. “I can drop you off before I go back to the manor to get my car.”

“I don’t want to see anyone,” Steph shook her head, pushing a few tears off of her face.

“Okay,” Jason nodded. Her phone had been vibrating quite frequently, and it was understandable, everyone was probably concerned that she left the manor in tears and in a rush.

They were quiet for the rest of the drive, and while Jason filled up the bath tub for her, set a towel beside it and fresh clothes and a pad on the counter. He went to the kitchen and brought a glass of water and the aspirin into the bedroom, left them on her night stand. It was something he could do since he couldn’t handle the whole thing alone.

“Do you need anything else while I’m out?” Jason asked, leaning in the doorway of their bathroom, watching Steph undress. She tossed her shirt and sweats in the laundry basket, crossed her arms over her abdomen.

“No,” She shook her head. “Thank you.”

“I love you, Steph,” Jason said, striding forward to give her a kiss on her forehead. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” she mumbled.

“I’ll stop at the store and get something to eat,” he said before heading for the bedroom. He was about to close the bedroom door behind him when he heard Steph’s sobs start up again. He grit his teeth as he closed the door.

* * *

 

Jason parked in the cave, not surprised to see Bruce up at the computer still. Or again.

“Jason,” Bruce called as he turned around, obviously aware of what car was now back in the garage. “Is everything okay?”

“Uh,” Jason breathed, rubbing the back of his neck. “No, it’s not.”

“What happened?” Bruce asked, getting to his feet as Jason approached.

“Well, uh, I guess I should tell you Steph and I have been trying to have a baby for about two years now,” He said. “She’s kinda got some issues and we haven’t had the best luck, but she was pregnant.”

“Oh?”

“Was,” Jason emphasized, and Bruce nodded. “She uh, she lost the baby tonight.”

“Is she okay?” Bruce asked.

“No,” Jason shook his head as he looked down, pinching his eyes as they started to well up. “Bruce, we have been trying to have a baby for two years. We really wanted this one.”

“Jason-“

“It’s not fair,” Jason looked up, giving up on keeping his tears at bay. He hadn’t cried yet, knew he was bound to eventually. “It’s not fair that she has to go through that, it’s not fair that I have to stick her with needles just for us to have a chance of getting pregnant, and it’s not fair that we had that baby taken away from us when we already loved it so much!”

Bruce stepped forward and pulled him in for a hug, and Jason clung to the man for dear life as he sobbed.

* * *

 

When he got home, Stephanie was in bed scrolling through movies on Netflix. He had stopped and picked them up some Chinese food, as well as grabbing some of Steph’s favorite junk food from the store.

“Hey, Chiky,” He said as he tossed his jacked to the floor and climbed into bed.

“Hey,” she mumbled, wrapping the blanket tighter around herself.

“You hungry?” He asked, and she shook her head, but still reached for a carton of noodles. “I told everyone we were fine and you’d call later.”

“Thanks,” she said, stabbing into the noodles with a fork from the bag. The two ate in silence for a minute, Steph turned on the hangover to try and make herself laugh, or at least take her mind off of everything for a moment.

“We can try again in a few months,” Jason said finally, needing to say something. “If you want.”

“I don’t know if I want to,” She said, shaking her head. “Jason, maybe you and I weren’t meant to have a baby.”

“No, Steph-“

“No, Jason, listen,” she sighed, setting her food aside. “We have been trying so hard, and it’s not even fun anymore. It feels like a chore trying to get pregnant, and I don’t want anything I do with you to ever feel like a chore. I don’t want this to come between us.”

“Stephie,” Jason reached out to tuck one of her stray hairs back behind her ear. “I hope you know how much I love you. And yeah, it’s hard. But you want this.”

“Of course I want this but the universe doesn’t want this for us,” She said, sniffling. “I just want us to be a family, why is that so fucking hard?”

“I don’t know, Steph,” Jason shook his head. “I wish I could give you a baby, I know how badly you want this. I’d give anything to take this pain away from you.”

“It’s not your body that’s all broken,” She cried, wiping at one of her eyes. “I’m the one who has to take the shots, I’m the one who’s got one working ovary-“

“Steph, hey,” Jason said, setting his food aside as well to turn to her fully. “You’re not, no, you’re perfect, okay? And it’s not fair to you, this whole shitty situation. It fucking sucks, and I know that, but don’t blame yourself.”

Stephanie leaned into his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her, running some fingers through her hair.

“I’m sorry,” She sobbed, and he shushed her as his eyes welled up again. “I’m sorry.”

“It happens, Stephie, it’s okay,” He said with a sniff. “We’ll get through it. You and me, Chickadee, we’ll get through everything together.”


End file.
